Hey lovely Reader
How do we hold the bitter and the sweet? How do we hold the joy and the pain?
How do we learn that there is space for both within us?
I've been reflecting on this all week - it came up in a conversation I had recently, and it's been arising in the Gratitude Quest. The juxtaposition of these two things, and our capacity to hold them both.
The person I was speaking with talked about cacao as a beautiful representation of this. If you've ever drunk cacao without the sweetness of a little bit of honey, you understand what bitterness is. But if we put so much honey in that we drown out the bitterness, we change the drink so much it's almost no longer cacao.
We're always looking to create this fine balance. It's a powerful metaphor for how we make room for the bitter and the sweet within ourselves.
In this week's podcast episode, I share my own journey with this.
For most of my life, I held an unconscious belief that you can either be holding pain or you can be holding joy - not both. I chose joy. I made it my anchor, my raison d'être, the feeling I wanted people to associate with being around me.
But that was unsustainable.
The energy it took to project that took its toll. I would have high highs, then low lows where I felt my joy had abandoned me. During a devastating period of grief, I remember saying to Anton: 'I feel as though I'm never going to smile again.'
It took getting really ill ten years ago, and then a particularly painful learning experience a few years ago, to have this awakening - deep, deep, deep down in the bowels of my belly - that I have the capacity to hold my joy and my pain simultaneously.
I share this because it had never occurred to me that it could even be possible before. And I think it's useful to know that it is possible. That we have this capacity simply because of our humanity.
Listen to the episode on the Henny Flynn podcast wherever you get your podcasts.
I close with a poem from my book My darling girl, it's one I don't often share, but the book opened to it when I needed it today:
'Show me what makes your tears fall... Show me what makes your heart sing... Show me all of who you are, and I will show you love. I will show you the expansiveness of my ever opening heart that has space for every part of you.'
Where are you on this journey? How is it to feel into your capacity for holding both your joy and your pain?
May you be safe, happy and well. May you live with ease. May you know the expansiveness of your own heart.
With love
I have two offerings I'd love to share:
The Weekend of No Requirements - October 16-19 in Herefordshire. A luxurious retreat where you can lay it all down in the deep green grass and simply be. Morning meditation, yoga, delicious food, woods to walk in, a swimming lake, open fires. And if what you need is to spend the weekend by the fire with a good book, you're welcome to do that too. No requirement to be anything other than how you feel. Find out more here or email me with questions.
Awakening Hopes and Dreams - A small group course beginning this month (Thursdays at lunchtime, designed to be accessible). We'll explore what we're hoping for in this coming year, how to reawaken those hopes and dreams, in the company of a small, kind, compassionate group. Until the 18th century, March was when our new year began - a beautiful time to turn our attention toward what we're calling in. Find out more and book here (handful of places remaining).
Hear the latest episode: Holding the Bitter and the Sweet (S19E8) or search for the Henny Flynn podcast wherever you love to listen.