When I was very small, I lived in a very busy house.
Lots of people, lots of noise and while there was lots of love, there wasn't always a lot of attention to go round.
However, my clever little body seemed to learn that being ill was one of my options to get the attention I sought. Pneumonia, tonsillitis, bronchitis, laryngitis, chicken pox (twice) and various other ailments followed me throughout my school years.
Little me
As I matured, so did my illnesses. Slipped discs, more pneumonia (three times in one year), lots of flu.
These were all medically valid. I really was very ill at times.
And.
I can also see there were times when I'd go to bed simply because I needed to be left alone, or something was feeling deeply challenging and I didn't understand it (or didn't want to face it) or I craved some caring attention.
Like so much of this inner reflective Work, the way we behave and feel and think can be complicated.
Of course we now know a lot more about how the body holds the score*, and there are many practitioners who speak of how our emotional health shows up in our physical health.
And so, of course, it's no surprise that sometimes even when there's no bug, no virus, nothing specific to pinpoint, we simply don't feel quite ourselves.
My mother would have called it 'feeling a bit mis', the poet in me wants to name it ennui - but this week a new phrase landed that seemed to describe it more fully... emotional flu.
This relates in part to last week's podcast episode, Facing Self-Abandonment (S15E6), where I talked about how we can sometimes abandon ourselves - by not doing the things that will most serve us, when things feel hard**.
So, emotional flu might feel like...
You want to isolate from others. Perhaps in an attempt to protect other people from how you’re feeling.
Your body feels heavy and lethargic - maybe so tired you have no energy even for things you love.
There's nothing you want to engage with, other than the things that help you numb.
Does this resonate with you too?
I'm very mindful I'm writing as a poll of one! But I also see I've been through various stages of how I respond to this feelings flu.
Assuming I must be ill... and going to bed (feeling guilty)
Fighting it until I actually became really ill... then going to bed (or ending up in hospital)
Hoping I was going to get ill enough to legitimately have to go to bed (that's a hard one to admit to)
The irony of all this, of course, is that bed is a wonderful place to be. Sleep is a great healer. And sometimes we simply need to be cared for (by others or ourselves) and given space to breathe.
And.
And sometimes it might serve us to (also) look within.
To see what might be disturbing our equilibrium; which part(s) of us are seeking attention, asking to be heard. To explore what's happening around us that's activating or triggering us into feeling that way.
Ultimately it's about turning toward our Selves. And seeing what we truly need.
Maybe it is to go to bed. Or maybe it's a conversation with someone we trust. Maybe it's a cuddle. Maybe it's hearing we are loved. Maybe it's any number of things... only you will know.
In this time of changing seasons come colds and flu. And there's a lot of change going on in the world that perhaps can lead to a metaphorical flu.
So, let's be gentle with ourselves.
If you need to rest, rest. If you need attention, pay yourself attention. If you need love, love yourself. And allow yourself to receive what trusted others offer too, if that's available for you.
Caring for ourselves and for each other is a beautiful thing. And the best cure I can think of.
***
May you be well, may you be safe, may you be happy and may you live with ease.
With love
PS: If you're feeling ready to move deeper into your own inner Work, and you'd like to explore working together, book a virtual coffee. I'll have space for new clients from the end of January, a lovely time to begin.
PPS: There's still time to book for the upcoming live events Finding Flow - journaling can be such a powerful way of exploring what we're experiencing.
EDIT 18.11.24
I have had many responses to this message - mostly from people saying how strongly this idea resonated with them, and how much there was to reflect on. I also received one message that was a beautiful reminder to note that I'm offering up this metaphor of emotional flu in case it helps you relate to something within yourself in a new or different way. Maybe seeing something you could now attend to with deeper kindness?
Feeling low is very real and sometimes we need more support, perhaps from a range of sources. If that describes you, reach out to your support network, your GP or to specialist providers. This is an act of self-love and we are all worthy of this tender attention to our own needs.
With love, Henny x
*See Bessel Van der Kolk's seminal work The Body Holds the Score for a compassionate exploration of emotional trauma and how it displays in the body.
**Perhaps a particularly resonant episode - and a resonant theme - with this week's deeply concerning US news. Caring for ourselves and each other is even more vital in times like these.
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