I’ve been reflecting recently on how change shows up in our lives - not just the big, dramatic changes, but the quieter ones too. The shifts we don’t always name. The seasons that pass and leave us a little different.
Sometimes change comes from the outside - loss, menopause, a move, a child growing up, a job ending. Sometimes it stirs from within - a feeling that something doesn’t quite fit anymore. That we’re ready to live a little more truthfully, a little more kindly, a little more curiously, a little more courageously - whatever that looks like for us.
All of my experience, learning and instinct tells me that building a bedrock of self-compassion is what helps us make - and manage - change.
And while most of us can take that idea on board, there's one question I hear again and again...
“But how?”
It's often largely driven by the truths that:
Many of us are far better at extending care to others than we are at turning toward ourselves.
Many of us were taught (overtly or unconsciously) that self-care and self-love are at best selfish or at worst narcissistic.
Many of us have a powerful inner critic that tells us we don't deserve the kindness that comes from love.
And even when we believe in kindness, even when we say, “I know I deserve it,” something gets in the way. Old stories, inner resistance, habits of self-criticism that have become so familiar we barely notice them anymore.
HOWEVER...
It might sound counterintuitive, but in many ways, the 'how' can be the easy part.
It's choosing to change that can feel hardest.
I can see, from years of this work, that when we decide to learn to meet ourselves with compassion - not just as an idea, but as a real, embodied practice - everything changes.
We become more anchored (rather than rigid), more flexible (with clear direction), and more able to be with what is - rather than trying to force things to be something they're not.
If you'd like to hear a little more about how this work has helped me personally - in a very real way - I’ve written a short blog post (I've shared a snippet below) about one of my own patterns of self-unkindness… and how self-compassion was what helped me then... and now.
With love
PS: If this feels like something you’ve been circling around, and you're curious about how you could create this kind of change for yourself, you may want to explore my next course: Create Change with Compassion.
A 4-week live group coaching and journaling course, exploring the science and practice of self-compassion as a foundation for real, sustainable change. We begin on Friday 23rd May and you can find the details here:
Create Change with Compassion - begins Friday 23rd May 12.00 (UK)
-----♡-----
I have myriad stories of how self-compassion helps us make and manage deep and lasting change, from the many people I’ve coached over the years. They are all different - each person's experience is unique and yet it seems to me, there are unifying threads that connect us all.
But of course, those stories are deeply private - they’re not mine to tell. So instead, I'd like to share one of my own.
I've shared Part One before. A story about mirrors and self-perception.
Part Two only happened recently. And, like a mirror, it has been helping me reflect.